molding-myself-to-be-a-man

fuckyeahftms:

Check out Ben with FTrealM talking about being trans* and forming new relationships.

He talks about his fears and worries as a stealth transman and the complications of forming new friendships.

out of curiosity

i know their’s a back and forth debate between the full length double front compression binder and the tri-top. 

ive only ever owned the double front and it has worked fine but im noticing a lot of pressure on my lower back.

for anyone who has switched binders has that eliminated or at least lessened some of that problem? or is it just me having a really shitty back?

my mom must really like me today.

i asked about getting new binders because the ones i have are about 2 years old. normally i order the double front compression binder from underworks and they have the discount if you order 3. (i guess they renamed some of them and got rid of that) so i got one new one of that and a tri-top. along with that i ordered a swimming binder. so i spent a little over $100. and she is surprisingly okay when i told her the price. i guess she knew i needed them? im not too sure how to react to this. i mean im really grateful. and she knows i am. but i was expecting her to be a tad annoyed at least. 

and no i did not just order more then i told her i was going to. i just explained to her the system of if you spend $75 or more their’s free shipping and she said okay. i just didnt think she would have been to pleased to hear me say the over all price and spending $100. because she did hand me her card to pay for it.

Today I decided to cut my hair, well the sides atleast. I mean it’s not entirely even  but when it grows out like 2mm it’ll all blend fine.

Now cutting my hair myself is something that I never thought I’d do. Men’s hair cuts around where I live is anywhere between 15 and 20 dollars and I don’t have that money to spend every month. 

Womens haircuts cost more but women generally cut there hair less often. 

So honestly for guys who want to keep up with having really short hair and who want to save money I’d suggest buying a hair buzzer and doing it yourself or have someone help you. It’ll save a lot of money in the long run. And with practice you can master a haircut that you want that a Barber or hair dresser you see for some reason won’t give you. Because from experience if your hair dresser knew you pre transition they generally feminize your haircut.

Today I decided to cut my hair, well the sides atleast. I mean it’s not entirely even but when it grows out like 2mm it’ll all blend fine.

Now cutting my hair myself is something that I never thought I’d do. Men’s hair cuts around where I live is anywhere between 15 and 20 dollars and I don’t have that money to spend every month.

Womens haircuts cost more but women generally cut there hair less often.

So honestly for guys who want to keep up with having really short hair and who want to save money I’d suggest buying a hair buzzer and doing it yourself or have someone help you. It’ll save a lot of money in the long run. And with practice you can master a haircut that you want that a Barber or hair dresser you see for some reason won’t give you. Because from experience if your hair dresser knew you pre transition they generally feminize your haircut.

i feel really uncomfortable in a lot of social situations, and meeting new people. and because of this i dont have many friends. all of the friends that i do have i grew up with. and i guess my issue is that i dont trust people around me. and i expect the worst.

and because of this finding a relationship is extremely difficult because i keep a distance from new people that i meet.

all of the people around me are having a great time going out, partying, dating and everything else.

and i just sit home

i can honestly say that im jealous of my friends because people like them. and want to date them.

and i feel like being trans and pre-t is holding me back from enjoying myself while at places, and keeping in contact with new people that i meet.

im lonely. and need to get out of my bubble ive put myself in and have been keeping myself in for so long. 

3833) I spent the weekend with my trans boyfriend and his parents. I’ve never heard his birth name/wrong pronouns used so many times before. I don’t know how he handles it. There were so many times I just wanted to say his real name out loud just to remind him that I know exactly who he is on the inside. I’ve always respected him, but this weekend made me see exactly how hard it is. His parents would rather see a miserable daughter than accept a happy son…I just hope he knows I’m here for HIM.

When I go on T one thing that’s weird that I’m looking forward to is seeing a change in seeing more veins in my arms,hands, and legs.

I find that change really intetesting. Because most people talk about hair, muscle, voice, and fat redistribution. But I think that’s something that really does contribute to the masculine features that T gives you.

you’re a fucking asshole.

dont tell me to get over the fact that i feel really uncomfortable when im not wearing my binder. i can deal with it when im in pajama pants and have a seatshirt on while im home. but i cant not wear it while im dressed for the day or while im out places. or even while company is over at my house. i panic, break out into a cold sweat. and get really light headed.

im not going to “just get over it”. generally when im not wearing it or when i have to take breaks from wearing it i go to sleep so i dont have to deal with being awake and dealing with my chest being there. so fuck off.

ive been binding my chest for 3 years now. if i could “just get over it” dont you think i fucking would have by now?

Hello, I’m Kris,  I’m a pre-t ftm. I figured I’d introduce myself again considering I’ve gotten new followers.

Also I got a new phone for my birthday so hopefully that means more selfies and blog updates.

Hello, I’m Kris, I’m a pre-t ftm. I figured I’d introduce myself again considering I’ve gotten new followers.

Also I got a new phone for my birthday so hopefully that means more selfies and blog updates.

my birthday is monday. and today i am going out to lunch with my family on my dads side. and they dont know about me being trans. right now they just assume im a lesbian. which i never was.

so today is just going to be anxiety ridden between getting she’d to death at a restaurant and the birthday cards.

my mom on the other hand since i came out to her as trans. she hasnt given me any cards for any holidays. which i dont mind. but id like to get a card that says to my son eventually.

at least my dads side of the family doesnt get me things that they arnt sure ill use. the only gifts i ever get from them is money and art supplies.

but im still not looking forward to later today.